5 Behaviors of Master Manipulators 

You will come across people at work with ill-intention—those who try to take advantage of you by acting as a victim and manipulate you into doing things that serve their interests while being harmful to your mental health and personal well-being. 

They will trick you into doing their work for them. 

They will deceive you by telling stories that aren’t true.

They will make you doubt, judge and question your abilities. 

Manipulators are hard to spot because with the intention to cheat and deceive, they use tricks that are meant to influence, exploit and control you. They are quick in sensing your weak spots and smart to know how to capitalize on them. 

Manipulators often know us better than we know ourselves. They know what buttons to push, when to do so and how hard to press. Our lack of self-awareness can easily set us up to be exploited.
— George K. Simon Jr., In Sheep’s Clothing

Letting them into your life or giving them the power to overburden you with their mean demands is not only harmful to your well-being, it puts your goals on the back burner while helping them achieve their target.

Manipulators are also hungry for attention—they eat into a significant portion of your time and energy by making you prioritize their needs and concerns over things that you value in life. 

Here are the 5 signs that you’re being manipulated at work with strategies to save yourself from being a target of deception: 

False praise to get your attention 

Are there people at work who always start with flattery—they tell you how great you are or how amazing is everything you do? Do they exaggerate your accomplishments? Do they end up leaving you to feel good about yourself?

Chances are they are manipulators applying the reciprocity principle—giving a little something to get something from others—enhancing their chance to make you respond to their nice behavior by complying with their demands. They shower you with excessive compliments only to later use your desire to please them against you. 

Manipulator: You are so good at solving problems. The way you identified a solution for [xyz] was mind blowing. I am impressed. I wish I was as good as you. I am stuck with this really big issue and don’t know how to solve it. I am sure you will solve it in no time. 
You: Hell yeah! (thinking internally). What’s your issue? 

Manipulator: I am amazed to see you manage so many responsibilities with such an ease. You make it look all too easy. I would barely survive if I was in your situation. Recently, I am working on [xyz] which is killing me. I worry about not being able to meet my commitments. Do you think you can help? 
You: Yeah! It’s no big deal for me. 

Apparently we have such an automatically positive reaction to compliments that we can fall victim to someone who uses them in an obvious attempt to win our favor.
— Robert B. Cialdini, Influence

Because you are inherently programmed to respond to reciprocation, you may not even realize when this tendency is exploited by manipulators to accomplish a hidden agenda or a goal. 

To prevent yourself from falling into this trap, ask yourself these questions:

1. Is their behavior or compliment genuine or does it appear like a tactic to earn a favor?
2. What’s their motive in approaching you? What are they trying to accomplish?
3. Do you feel compelled to say yes to them? Is reciprocation principle at work?
4. What are they asking you to do? Do you really want to help them or do you feel obligated? 
5. What would you have to give up? Is it worth it? 

Asking these questions will make you pause to evaluate their request instead of defaulting into accepting it. 

Definitely help others, but don’t let yourself be tricked into it. Don’t be afraid to refuse requests that make you uncomfortable or are unreasonable. 

Being extremely supportive 

Are there people at work who always seem to support your actions, take your side, and give you reason to believe you were right while others are wrong? 

Most likely they are manipulators who try to bond with you by exploiting your emotions and how you feel. They try to connect with you by sharing stories or saying relatable things. Their goal is to gain your trust by sharing your negative sentiment and then manipulate you into advancing their agenda. 

Manipulator: I completely agree with you. You should go ahead and implement that policy. If others don’t agree, it’s their problem. 
You: Finally, someone who understands me (thinking internally).

Manipulator: You’re right in feeling this way. You completely deserved that promotion. Your manager must be biased. 
You: She gets me (thinking internally).

But their support isn’t genuine—they do not value you or care about your well-being. Instead of helping you get through tough emotions, they end up exacerbating them. 

Their support may feed your ego and make you feel good about yourself, but not looking at the situation realistically prevents you from resolving conflicts and may even damage your reputation. 

Emotional manipulation methodically wears down your self-worth and self-confidence, and damages your trust in your own perceptions. It can make you unwittingly compromise your personal values, which leads to a loss of self-respect and a warped self concept. With your defenses weakened or completely disarmed in this manner, you are left even more vulnerable to further manipulation. 
— Adelyn Birch, 30 Covert Emotional Manipulation Tactics

To avoid emotional manipulation, ask yourself these questions:

1. Is the person agreeing with you to make you feel good or do they really believe it? What about the things they said or did made you think so? 
2. In what way is their support helpful—does it enable you to resolve the conflict or does it complicate things further?
3. Can you get advice from others about your situation? What do they have to say?  
4. What could make you susceptible to manipulation—your need for approval or fear of conflict?

Recognizing the signs that you’re a target of emotional manipulation is crucial to help you think straight. It makes you consider other viewpoints and perspectives instead of focusing solely on your wants and needs. 

Blackmail by acting as a victim 

Are there people at work who exaggerate their difficulties frequently? Do they blame others for their circumstances by portraying themselves as innocent victims? Do they complain about not being treated fairly?

Highlighting their suffering or displaying sad emotions is their strategy to make you feel sorry for them. Acting helpless appeals to your empathy which makes you feel obligated to help them. 

You’re guilt-tripped into supporting them or giving them what they want because not doing so makes you look cruel and inconsiderate. Playing a victim card turns you into a rescuer which is exactly what a manipulator wants. 

Manipulator: I have been so stressed lately. No one understands how hard it’s been for me with everything going on at home. Everyone is only concerned about deadlines. No one cares about what I’m going through. 
You: I understand. Maybe I can help with your workload. 

Manipulator: I feel like I am not really part of the team because no one listens to me. It’s demotivating. No matter how hard I try, nothing changes. 
You: The team is at fault for making you feel this way. I will talk to them. 

A victim act is a form of passive aggression. It seeks to achieve gratification not by honest work or a contribution made out of one’s experience or insight or love, but by the manipulation of others through silent (and not-so-silent) threat. The victim compels others to come to his rescue or to behave as he wishes by holding them hostage to the prospect of his own further illness/meltdown/mental dissolution, or simply by threatening to make their lives so miserable that they do what he wants.
— Steven Pressfield, The War of Art

Resist being dragged into victim manipulation by asking these questions:

1. Do they seem to thrive on drama or always have a crisis to share?
2. Do they acknowledge their role in the problem or the conflict?
3. What are the gaps or inconsistencies in what they’re saying?
4. Do they make you feel guilty or responsible for your problems even when you are not connected or it is not your fault? 
5. How can you enable them to solve their own problems instead of solving their problems for them?

Don’t be fooled by people who portray themselves as the victim to make you behave the way they want. Recognize whether someone is genuinely in need or manipulating you by playing the victim card. 

Present misleading information to achieve their goals 

Do you have people at work who always seem to get everyone’s buy-ins? Do they tell you that they have others’ support while you’re the only one remaining? Do they mention people with authority or those in positions of power to coax you into making hasty decisions without giving you time to think? 

These people create a false sense of urgency and present you with ambiguous and inaccurate information thereby misleading you into agreeing to things that you would otherwise not accept.

Pluralistic ignorance—going along with a view you do not hold because you think, incorrectly, that most other people in the group hold it—makes you think everyone else is on board and you are the only one with a different opinion. So, instead of challenging them, you find it easy to simply get on board. 

Deluded about other people’s real views, you feel compelled to adhere to that delusion. Unable to see what goes on inside other people’s heads makes you vulnerable to trickery and manipulation.  

Manipulator: Everyone is really excited about my idea. They think it’s going to be a game-changer for the company. Now, I just need your support (telling everyone the same thing). 
You: Hmm, if everyone else thinks this will work, I am ok with you going ahead with it (Secretly thinking it’s a terrible idea).

Manipulator: John (someone in a position of power) applauded my proposal in front of the entire team yesterday. He’s expecting me to lead it. Now, I just need your help in making it a success. (John never did it). 
You: I can’t go against John (thinking internally). What do you need from me? (Not sharing areas of concern). 

When you control information, or manipulate it, you don’t need force to keep people under your thumb. They stay there willingly.
— Veronica roth, Allegiant

To avoid being manipulated by false information, ask yourself these questions:

1. What evidence backs up their claims? How can I cross-check facts? 
2. How can I share my concerns with others and try to ensure we collectively make the right decision?
3. What’s the worst that can happen if I say what I need to say or do what I need to do even if everyone else disagrees with it?
4. What’s more important—going with the group or making a good decision?

Become resilient to manipulation through false information. Take a step back. Analyze the information calmly. 

Use minor contributions to earn major rewards 

Do you have people at work who seem to show up everywhere—they are present on all important projects, discussions and decisions? Do they act super busy or behave as if things won’t move without them? 

Look closely and you will find that they aren’t making any major contributions. They show up everywhere and pick the easiest tasks with the minimal time commitment by giving an excuse that they already have too much on their plate. Then, they fool you by making you believe they are the ones running the whole show. 

They take credit for other people’s work, steal their ideas and present their work as their own. They enhance their reputation without putting in the necessary work. This is how they mislead you by building trust and credibility. 

Manipulator: I spent weeks developing a proposal for this new product (ignoring the team who did the majority of the work).
You: This looks great. You have put in a lot of effort into research and design. I am sure it’s going to be a huge success (not knowing the people who were the primary driver behind the ideas).

Manipulator: I came up with this innovative idea for a social media campaign. We got some proposals from the team, but nothing clicked. Then I had this breakthrough moment. (Lying about the fact that it was another team member who pitched it during the brainstorming session). 
You: Wow, this is brilliant! Amazing that you came up with this all on your own. 

Learn to destroy your enemies by opening holes in their own reputations. Then stand aside and let public opinion hang them.
— Robert Greene, The 48 Laws of Power

Here are some questions to counteract this manipulative behavior:

1. Do they take credit only when it’s beneficial while deflecting blame onto others?
2. Are there inconsistencies in how they describe their role in a project?
3. Do they tend to exaggerate their involvement in successful projects? 
4. Do they always focus on their role without acknowledging or thanking the people who genuinely contributed to the work?
5. Do they interrupt often to divert attention to themselves and their work?

Don’t let manipulators receive praise or recognition for projects that others contributed heavily to. Ask them detailed questions about their work before pouring out praise. 

Summary

1. Getting praised at work may feel great, but it also makes you a target for manipulation. Beware of people who praise you for no good reason and expect you to do something in return. 
2. Negative emotions often cloud your judgment. Under their influence, manipulators can try to take advantage of you by supporting how you feel and using the gained trust to advance their agenda.
3. Manipulators who act as a victim try to deceive you by gaining your sympathy. They thrive on drama and always have a crisis to share. Don’t let them manipulate you by playing the victim card.
4. Getting your buy-in by telling you that others are onboard is an exploitation strategy often used at work. Don’t take information at face value. Validate it through credible sources. Do your work. 
5. A master strategy used by many manipulators is using others’ work to gain credit and recognition without doing anything significant. Inquire to identify who did the real work instead of showering them with praise that they do not deserve.

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